Inspired by this Storyteller’s Unplugged article and a ton of other author sites. And a picture.
1. Where do you get your ideas?
Everywhere. Like here:
And here.
Ideas are everywhere. Think of yourself as surrounded by a giant wiffle ball. The inspiration is just the ideas that fall through the holes to you. The more you’re out there reading, searching out art, listening to music, the more you’ll catch.
2. I have a great idea for a book. Can I tell you, will you write it so we can share the profits?
No. Ideas are the easy part. The hard part is the hours, days, weeks, months and even years it takes of work sitting with words in our head like this massive pile of puzzle pieces–most of the pieces won’t even fit right–and trying to make a lovely picture out of it. Writing, even when inspired and flowing, isn’t easy.
Plus if it’s YOUR idea you should also make it YOUR story. It’ll mean more that way.
3. Could you write me into your next book?
Why? I mean I never take a person directly from life and put them into my books. I might take aspects of them–an outfit of theirs, their job, their name, a look they give me–but the simple truth is that most people aren’t characters. Besides, people die in my books. A lot of people die, in a lot of different ways. I write speculative fiction, and dark spec fic at that. I don’t even stick to the rules of physics, or reality (love the paranormals), or legal rules, so why would I stick to the “rules” of personality required to get a real person’s personality right and try not to offend them as well? It’s just too much when the ego (in the psychological sense, not the term used as an insult) of a person is involved as well.
4. You know what would have been awesome? If [character from last book] had done [this thing] instead of [that thing] and…
No, and you know what, that book is already published in a final, fixed form. Keywords: Final. and Fixed.
5. Will you read my novel?
If it is not contracted or already published then, no. I’m sorry, I have a rather full schedule and just don’t have time anymore.
6. Will you refer me to your agent/editor/writer friend I idolize?
Probably not. I don’t have an agent at this time, but even if I did the same rules would apply for them as from editors, writers and question #5. I can’t recommend you to a publishing professional unless I’ve read your work first, and again, I just have too many obligations at this time.
7. Can I borrow some money? Because all writers are rich….
Ahahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahaha! *wheeze, inhale*Hahahahahahahahahahaha! *tears* Oh, you’re a funny person.
8. I want to be a writer, what do I need to do?
Write. Now write a good story. Now write a story good enough to be published. How do you know if it’s that good? Read. A lot. See what’s being published in more than one genre and take those books apart to see what makes them successful. Does your novel have that? If not, keep trying. If you think so not it’s time to research writing as a business. There are great places for that (like the SFWA website, Miss Snark’s archives, and the Absolute Write Water Cooler). So once you have a story and the business info, make a plan. Follow it. Be flexible enough to evaluate whether your plan is working and tweek it when needed.
Meanwhile get a “real job” or marry rich so you can have the freedom to follow your dream instead of being crushed by the daily grind of life, bills and everything.
Great post, completely empathise! I’ve had most of these questions asked of me and no doubt will eventually get them all. Thank you for making me laugh, and also the kernals of writerly wisdom that lurk behind the humour.
Hey, have you been following me! This is the definitive list. In fact you must have been eavesdropping my thoughts too as you’ve printed exactly what goes through my head.
Have you ever had someone say ‘I liked your book because you put that awful girl we knew in it’. (So you wouldn’t have liked it otherwise? And actually I didn’t put her in it, I made the character up.) And: ‘I’m writing a novel. Some day I might get it published.’ (Oh yes? Please tell me how you will circumvent all the problems the rest of us have.)
Oh I hope no one ever thinks I’m killing off, or being mean to a person I am mad at in real life in my fiction. But I did upset my husband once who thought a character was based off him when it wasn’t. So in edits I tried to change it a little more. I do sponge while writing, so characters ending up wearing his outfits, or mine, or minor characters end up having features or jumbled names from people on TV. But I try not to “copy” anyone.
I think we all get asked these questions, often as soon as we let it slip out that we’re even trying to get published.