December 27

Oh, Carrie Fisher

I didn’t know what Star Wars was for a long time, but I’d been watching it. Way back when, when my mom was divorcing my dad she’d take us to his apartment for Saturday visits, but he often couldn’t be bothered to spend much actual time with us. Sometimes this hurt a lot. But it wasn’t all bad, because it was the most free, unsupervised time I ever had. He didn’t care what we did as long as we didn’t wake him up. (she would drop us off at 6 am. He would go back to bed until non or one–at the earliest.)

And he had cable. So I’d watch my Saturday morning cartoons with no worry that my mom would find out and disapprove. Then, after those were over I’d look through his VHS tapes (we did not have VHS at home. Tv and movies were not encouraged at all. I only begrudingly was allowed Saturday morning cartoons, and sometimes I wasn’t allowed to watch certain cartoons, like She-Ra or Jem. Apparently they were ungodly, something I really do not understand as an adult because She-Ra was a hero who helped everyone and Jem and the Holograms ran a freakin’ orphanage.) He didn’t have a lot for kids. There was The Smurfs and The Magic Flute, which I watched almost every week.

And there was this tape that had “From Star Wars to Jedi” an HBO special about the making of Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. I didn’t actually see Star Wars until it was remastered and released in theaters again. That’s probably why it is my least favorite of the original trilogy. But I watched the making of special almost every week. And I watched Empire occasionally (it was dark and scary and so sad. Darth Vader wasn’t the scary part. Luke finding out that Vader was his father, that the force he’d been fighting this whole time was his blood…that was scary. Being tempted by the dark side was scary. Han being frozen and everyone being upset and sad. That was depressing.)

But Return was…I adore that movie. Luke finds his footing, his calm center and tries to save Han. But, and I can’t even tell you how much I loved this, Leia was already there, SAVING THE MAN SHE LOVED. Whaaa? Women aren’t supposed to save the men. But she did. She was strong, smart, lovely and didn’t depend on anyone else to get things done. And yeah, she gets captured, but she’s irritated by that, not scared. And, as I’ve said before, the penultimate scene where she kills Jabba, she has been stripped of her weapons, her clothes and he attempted to strip her of her dignity but she never gave in, and in the end killed him with the very chain he tried to contain her with. That was amazingly powerful to me. (Clearly I was not raised to believe in a woman’s independence and agency over her own body and life.)

When I got older, after my mom had died and we were living full time with my dad, those feelings stuck around. I had a complex mental relationship with Leia because while I adored her strength and cleverness, her determination and fierceness, I also struggled with the ideals my mother and extended family had tried to instill in me and felt like I *shouldn’t* be so attracted to Leia (she was another Jem, a She-Ra for sure, and my very literate, always reading mother once threatened to cut up my library card for checking a She-Ra book out of the library, so surely there had to be something very wrong with strong, clever, independent princesses, right?)

Also, there might have been a bit of burgeoning self awareness because I was actually ATTRACTED to Leia as well.  I imagined being Luke, but I wanted to be with Leia.

I got bits and pieces of who Carrie Fisher herself was. But there was always a bit of self distance there, because I WANTED, desperately, to maintain my idolization of her, and I needed her to remain the luminous, beautiful person she was. She was bold, in her personal life. She never seemed to let aging or the crush of reality, or Hollywood culture rule her life. She never obeyed. She was always bold and clever, strong and beautiful.

She was and always will be one of my few lifetime idols.

Rest, well Carrie.

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September 14

Wild Heart Preview

**Coming Very Soon

 

wildheartcoversmall

 

The woods smelled perfect, like rain and rich, moist soil, and faintly, underneath the evergreens, like strange werewolf. Michael’s lip curled up in a smile.

Two months ago a pack war erupted over the fifty-odd square miles of prime territory where Michael had lived his whole life. Many people, even friends, died. But now the land was his, and nothing would take it away.

The Wolf burst through his skin. Between one stride and the next he landed on four feet, pushing himself off the ground and over a fallen log across the trail. Behind him four good warriors, male and female alike, shifted to wolf and began the chase.

Michael’s legs covered the trail in a ground-eating lope. Silence wasn’t as important as speed. Neither was as important as intelligence. Michael knew the land well enough to have two other teams coming from other directions.

No escape had become something of a motto of his.

An abandoned house loomed around the next curve. Most of the roof had fallen over, giving the appearance that some enthusiastic swordsperson had sheared off a corner. The faded wood siding hung from the facade in places and the whole building smelled strongly of wet and mold.

A large shadow-blob darted from the veil of kudzu and bindweed, climbing the walls. It tried to flatten itself to the ground, as if it could slip past them unnoticed, but Michael and his lupercus had gotten very good at ferreting out the Wolves who came to Liberty looking to grab a piece of what they thought was a war-torn land.

Michael’s legs bunched and thrust, pushing him forward until he collided maw-first with the foreign wolf. Teeth sank through fur and met flesh. Michael felt the impact when one of his lupercus collided with the enemy from the other side. Michael tried for the throat, but the wolf twisted and he hit shoulder instead.

Blood was still blood.

One of the lupercus didn’t miss. More of the rich velvet smell hit the air as someone—probably Angie—tore the back of the foreign wolf’s leg open, hamstringing him.

Michael let the fight move a few steps away. She’d more than hamstrung him. His left rear leg was snapped, bone barely even attached to itself by tendon and gristle. Within a breath Michael was human again, a blond mass of a man towering over even the unusually-large wolves tussling before him.

Michael snatched up the invader by his scruff and held him up. “Human, now and we’ll talk. Or you can keep fighting and die.”

The wolf snarled and flailed. He tried to twist around and take a chunk from the arm Michael held him with. So Michael dropped him to the lupercus waiting below.

Ten minutes later he still stood nearby, leaning against a maple, finally starting to recover from a long, hard winter. It was hard to convince northern wolves, but in Tennessee, three weeks below freezing and five days subzero was a hard winter. Plus, somehow, the land knew when there were bad leaders on it. He firmly believed this and took heart in every sign of burgeoning spring.

Some of the other wolves laughed and called him superstitious. Maybe. But the land knew.

“Alpha?”

One of his transplants, Angie, stood before him, covering her chest with her arm. She was an oddball of a person. Short brown hair, cut in a bob, with chocolate brown eyes that developed gold sparks when she was pissed off. She was as modest as a werewolf who occasionally shifted in places without clothes could be. Plus, somewhere along the family line, someone had decided werewolf genes weren’t fun enough and bred in dwarfism.

The lycanthrope and dwarf genes battled it out through her adolescence, leaving her a solid five foot, shaped differently from a standard human, and thickly muscled. Her last pack had assumed a level of disability and forbidden her from holding a position. Michael made her his second when rebuilding the Liberty pack. He had yet to regret his decision.

“Angie?”

She blushed a little because he’d told her to stick to first names. Habits were hard to break. “They all three fought and we had to put them all down.”

He nodded in acknowledgment. He stopped feeling bad about killing people when one of his challengers tried to take his eye out of spite. He couldn’t take the land, so maiming others was apparently justified.

Assholes.

“I’m thinking about this shack, Angie. This is, what? The third time we’ve found a fight here?”

“Fourth,” Angie answered.

“I can’t decide if it would be better to torch it, or if it’s just damn convenient to let them keep hiding here.”

“I’d torch it, sire. Mark it with scent too. It’s like vermin: if you leave them an opening, they’ll think that it means they’re welcome here. Leave our scent and they’ll know we’re watching.”

Michael nodded. “Do it, but search the place thoroughly before. And have Ian help so we don’t start a forest fire.”

Michael’s third, Ian, was a seasoned werewolf and a seasoned firefighter.

“I want a ditch, three by three. Thom, Jennifer, search the place to make sure it’s useless first.”

Angie was back in wolf form before her words finished ringing through the air. Michael crouched down and grabbed a handful of soil. As the rich dark earth sifted between his fingers, he grinned. Annoying werewolf invaders or not, it was good to be home.

~

She watched the werewolves between the branches of the trees, unable to keep her lip from curling in disgust. This was supposed to be the middle of nowhere, dead space. Well, dead of civilization. Instead she’d found herself on the tail end of a werewolf war.

She’d curse, but she could barely breathe right now without them hearing.

This was bad. Real bad. But she still had time. She hoped.

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January 20

Review: She-Hulk, Volume 1: Single Green Female

Apparently She Hulk is way to much of a rock star for anyone to handle. Her success, invulnerability and Tony Stark-like fame has made her a very difficult to tolerate Avenger. So difficult that she is fired from her day job, kicked out of the Avengers manor and firmly encouraged to re-evaluate her play girl, partying, larger than life ways. It seems Jennifer has fully embraced being the big, green, powerful, indestructible Hulk and turned away from being a brilliant, but small, delicate, weak and vulnerable human.

Until she gets a new job working for a very prestigious law firm who wants to hire Jennifer, not She-Hulk. Dismayed, but desperate, she takes it, only to discover she’s going to work as part of a special super-human law division, blazing new trails in the law field.

There are a ton of cameos, quite a bit of Marvel-verse meta silliness (apparently Marvel comics are historical documents in this universe, so She-Hulk references her own past issues, as well as others a number of times), and, eventually, some heart to these stories.

With the growing popularity of superhero media there’s been a rise in commentary internet articles on the downsides or hidden truths of living in the Marvel-verse. This volume of She-Hulk is a dark side expose all of its own, when lawyers get involved with defending, or prosecuting, or just trying to make sense of the chaos in this world. If reading this fun, but off-the-wall (I mean, Spiderman sues J.J. Jameson for defamation in one case, then Peter Parker gets named as a co-defendant for “staging” pictures of Spiderman. That’s the level of meta we’re talking about.) volume of superhero tales doesn’t make you glad that you don’t live in the Marvel-vese, nothing will.

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January 13

Review: Guardians Team-Up #10

You are going to get exactly what you think with this one. Deadpool peddling a bike (that is apparently owned by Zelda) with an angry gun-firing Rocket Racoon in the basket sprawls over the cover and inside Rocket and Deadpool kill evil aliens and make smarmy jokes for 32 amusing pages.

There is some continunity, and a cameo too. And pseudo-cameos by a Minion and Beast. (Maybe. Or maybe I was just imagining things.) Did I mention fun and snarky already?

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January 3

Onward to 2016

I know I don’t blog so much anymore. It just doesn’t seem like my day to day life is that important. “Hey, I got three pages written today” or “I took a day off and read a whole book today” don’t seem that exciting.

I am trying to get back into reviewing (and am starting to post my reviews here again, as well as managing MonsterLibrarian.com’ YA blog, Reading Bites.) I’m sure there will be weeks where reviews are all I get up here. But I hope, very much, to have real publishing news this year.

Category: My Work | Comments Off on Onward to 2016