February 1

25 Things About Me

Since I’ve gotten tagged on MySpace, FaceBook and blogs for this one I’m doing it here for easy referencing.

1. I SOLD A NOVELLA TO SKULLVINES PRESS!! Okay, I’ve just been bursting with that lately, but now I know the contract has gotten back to the people in charge and I can talk about it. The story is called “Rot” it’s a pseudo-romance, all-horror, dark humor zombie tale that asks the question “Why would we be herding zombies?” I’ve got some amusing and fun promos planned so stay tuned for more.

2. I often garden barefoot.

3. I love taking pictures. Not enough to take a class or anything, but I do carry my camera with me all the time and I take shots of strange things like fences and playground mulch so I can use them for photo manipulations later. You can see some of my photos and photo manipulations on my MySpace page.

4. You can also see some of my drawing art there. Again, I enjoy doing it. I’ve gotten compliments on it from people I admire (and disses over on Deviant Art, but the day my self esteem depends on someone random person on the internet is the day I brick myself in a room for the rest of my life).

5. I own three pink shirts–by choice. Two are tank tops that I use while gardening. One is a thermal shirt.

6. My favorite color is purple, though I like many other colors as well.

7. I love storytelling more than any single medium. I like the characters and the imagination and world building, the moment when plot threads come together, or where something major is revealed. This is probably why I like so many different genres.

8. It helps that I also love language. When I’m writing I can almost feel the words coming out, like there’s a beat and I have to turn it from some half-remembered thought into something solid. Sometimes the wrong word choice almost seems like it’s clashing or clanging on the page. There’s cadence in my head when I write.

9. Which is funny because I’m not at all musical. I was made to take piano lessons as a kid, and recorder lessons in grade school. I’m practically tone deaf and have no sense of rhythm. Not to mention I completely missed out on the 80s, and still haven’t caught up, so my knowledge of what seems to be common pop culture/music facts is sorely lacking. I was a senior in high school, in 1997, when I learned “NOFX” was not “N-O-F-X”.

10. I have a little cowgirl inside me. I mean, I like hanging out at a barn, listening to country music. I even used to go to rodeos and square dances. I still would too. I sometimes watch rodeos on TV.

11. Speaking of which I love to watch equine eventing too, especially jumping. But if I could actually participate in an equine event it would totally be rodeo related.

12. In fact, if I had insurance, I’d like to attempt bullriding. Yes. Seriously. There’s a guy here who used to teach people how to do it on bulls that weren’t, er, active enough to be rodeo bulls. Hell, I’d be happy with a mechanical bull.

13. I scrapbook. I find it relaxing, creative, and since I use pictures of friends and family it always makes me smile.

14. I think science is a form a magic. Thinking of the odds that weigh against us, and everything around us, of everything that can go wrong, but how rarely it does, makes me believe even more in magic. Science is just as “fantastic” as fantasy.

15. I don’t like spending money on myself. I mean, I like having “stuff” but I hate paying a lot for it. I’m totally a dollar store and clearance bin shopper.

16. I’m allergic to cats. Yes, we have a cat. He isn’t allowed on the bed, and often not in the room. I can pet him just fine, but when he rubs on my face, or any bit of me but my hands, I break out into itchy hives.

17. We kept the cat because he followed us home eight blocks in the rain, in February.

18. And we kept the dog because he showed up in our yard one day, spotted my son (who was two at the time) and refused to leave. He lived in the unfenced back yard for three days on half a pack of bologna and rain water. So we gave up and kept him. Yes, we can take a hint.

19. I’m a godless pagan. Literally, I’m pagan, but I don’t follow any specific pantheon. My husband follows Norse beliefs. But me, I haven’t found, in almost 15 years, a pantheon or tradition that calls to me.

20. I like to organize. Charts, to do lists, and, joy!, big piles of handme downs to go through! This is why I like thrift store shopping.

21. I plan to see what I look like with purple hair. I even have the dye, I just need the bleach. It’s actually one of the reason I cut my hair.

22. I’m claustrophobic. Actually it’s not small places, it’s smothering. I’m terrified of smoothering. I have, (rarely, thank goodness) woken up in the middle of the night completely panicked because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Of course, the panic makes the shortness of breath worse and not being able to get a deep breath makes the panic worse.

23. My comfort foods are Chinese (crab ragoon, fried rice mmm), Taco Bell and grilled cheese.

24. I like bags. Purses, backpacks, toes. Doesn’t matter. I like bags.

25. My first short story ever was about a girl who saved a bunch of actors from someone on a set that was trying to kill them. In fact, she somehow shoved AH-rnold out of the way of wrecking ball. Even more unbelievable Robin Williams, Johnny Depp and Arnold S. (I still haven’t learned how to spell it) were all in the same movie together. Once you’ve gone there dangling participles and split infinitives, even Mary Sues cannot compare. It was eight pages.

I’m not tagging anyone because I think I’m the last one to do this. But if you want to poach it, go for it.

January 29

Apex Magazine: January 2009

Click to Read
Click to Read

Reminiscent of a Children’s Help Network commercial, Ruth Nestvold’s “On the Shadow Side of the Beast” is tale of a post apocalyptic world that offers no real explanation of what happened to ruin Berlin. It touches on a lot in a small space, children vs. adults, lack of education, the quest for survival, all set against a backdrop different from the America-centric one most often found in science fiction. It feels like only part of a story though, with a lot left up to the imagination and plenty of ends left open.

“In Memory” by James Stone is a disturbing tale of humans pushing their limits to unimaginable extremes. Kenny is a mathematician who uploaded himself into an experimental program long ago. After his mother’s funeral he notices a number of missing gaps in his memory and discovers he’s locked away parts of his memory from himself. What’s hidden is dark and terrible. Despite the tech heavy cloak on this tale at its core it’s about the struggles of the human mind trying to deal with the terrible and the tragic events in our lives. While Kenny is accused of becoming less human by locking his memories away, the action to cut out painful memories is very human, and in this tale, made possible by technological advances.
“Starter House” by Jason Palmer is quite the strange tale, where houses are giant creatures that must be chained and pained into submission for the survival of the humans living on a planet far away. What starts as a strange commentary touching on elitism and classism, quickly turns into a reflection of our current housing market and war issues. From there, as the prestige of owning a purebred house is stripped away by the struggle to survive in poverty, the story becomes one of a war between a man and his house. This tale is surreal, complex and not to be missed.
“Edison’s Dead Men” by Ed Turner is another reprint from Permuted Press’ History is Dead anthology. A bit too serious and dangerous to be a pure dark humor tale, it’s not your average zombie story. It is part science fiction, historically so, speculating on
“What if Edison’s electricity made zombies?” It’s a fun little mad scientist tale readers should be sure not to over look.
This Issue also features:
Popped Culture: This is Totally Going on the DVR by Justin Stewart
Confessions of a Book Junkie: Book Burning by Lavie Tidhar
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January 27

Realms of Fantasy Closing

Via SFScope:

Breaking news: Realms of Fantasy is closing down following publication of its April 2009 issue. Managing Editor Laura Cleveland told SFScope the news came very suddenly, indeed, even Editor Shawna McCarthy (currently on vacation in Italy) hadn’t been informed yet. The only reason we got the story is that rumors broke through the blogosphere today.

Cleveland said the April issue is currently at the printer, and will be published. The reasons she was given for the closure were plummeting newsstand sales. “Subscriptions are good, and advertising, until very recently, was fine.” She blamed the economic downturn and newsstand distribution for the closure.

Publisher Sovereign Media first got into sf magazine publishing with Science Fiction Age, which Scott Edelman edited through its eight-year life. SFAge was closed while still profitable to make room for an even more profitable wrestling magazine. Realms of Fantasy has been with us for fifteen years and “was coming up on its 100th issue,” Cleveland said. “We were excited about the special Halloween issue we’d been planning, which would have been our first.”

The staff is obviously harried by the news, and that it’s become public so quickly. Cleveland had been hoping to tell the authors and artists the news before it broke publicly. The magazine wasn’t carrying a large inventory, she said, although she did note that they’d recently purchased a number of stories which now won’t be published.

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January 26

Evil Penguins: When Cute Penguins Go Bad by Elia Anie

Click to Buy
Click to Buy

Paperback: 9781416961154 , $10.00

*I received this book through a giveaway at GoodReads.com

These penguins live up to their title, they’re evil, really evil. From giving Sponge Bob swirlies to invading China and doing very naughty things with razor wire it seems penguins are responsible for every pop culture, historical and religious evil known to man.

There’s very little reading to do in this book, but there will be a lot of laughing. It’s short, the humor is almost universal and the message is easy to understand. Evil Penguins isn’t the kind of book most people (other than dark humor or penguin fans) would ask for, but it’s perfect for those pesky uncomfortable gift giving situations. Secret Santas, gift exchanges with co-workers you barely know or present games at baby showers or holiday parties. The chances of a recipient not finding something inside these pages hilarious is pretty slim, and it’s likely that said person would be impossible to satisfy anyway.

Category: Humor | Comments Off on Evil Penguins: When Cute Penguins Go Bad by Elia Anie