June 28

On Cons

There’s a lot going around about abuse and sexual harassment at cons. I think I’ve been lucky so far. My experiences have mostly been positive. I’ve even been part of some absolutely amazing conversations about very tender subjects at places like Mo*Con. 

When I went to WFC in 2010 it was an odd mixture. It was the first time I saw the Old Guard vs the New Wave. But a lot of my blah treatment (at worst) was dismissal of my opinion on fiction trends, my choice of books to read and write and my position along the “success/importance” track. (By the way it was where I was also treated as a VIP by several writers and then-new Apex Editor Catherynne Valente and completely brushed off and ignored by the EiC of a prestigious small press which has since imploded, surprising me not a bit based on how I, as an unimportant mere consumer/fan was treated.) I also, though, was on my first panel about writing horror where I had a fabulous time. I was the only woman, but no one talked over me, everyone listened to my opinion and a great time was had.

I have had one REALLY bad experience with a con. It was Fandom Fest here in Louisville and I never reported it to the con because I was not a paid con attendee. I was there to hang out with some friends at the con hotel/in public space.

Three thing happened at this con. One, a man (not a bit drunk) decided it was okay to sit on a bed with me (I was perched on the corner) and then lay in my lap. Not someone I knew, so I made haste out of that situation. Second I was strongly and frankly propositioned by another man. He pretty much said if I was looking for a good time he’d be honored to provide it. When I told him I was married, he said so were many of the other women he’d been with at cons and that didn’t mean their husband met their needs. When I told him No, I was there to meet with some friends he said look him up if I changed my mind, then he changed the subject and we chatted quite a bit over the night and it never came up again. It made me a little uncomfortable, but he was fairly polite, never invaded my space and wasn’t really creepy, just surprisingly direct.

Number three though. Wooo, this one is a doozy. So I run into someone I used to LARP with for the second time that night. He was VERY drunk. I mentioned to another friend how I knew the man, then it derailed to how I met my partner, Jason. (He was playing a female vampire character at said LARP, complete with skirt and a 3 inch mohawk. He said I was pretty.) So then somehow the conversation entered into this “I can do so much better for you than he has” territory, with the very drunk man trying to tell me how all he could do better for me. (By the way, Jason and I had celebrated 15 years together earlier that same year. A little late on the draw there buddy.) The creep factor, and the feeling of this man being a little angry that I wasn’t taking him seriously started to sky rocket.

So I put some people between myself and him, he wandered off and then wandered back. By that point my friends and I were headed out anyway. He was between me and the door. He expressed sorrow that I was leaving (while tottering on his feet) then put his hand out. I took it so shake and he proceeded to…well, you know how some guys think it’s all chivalrous to kiss a woman’s hand? Not so much when you lick it from knuckle to wrist.

Being stunned prevented him from getting punched, by me. I probably wouldn’t have needed to because at that point several friends jumped up, including the two people I was with, Jason Sizemore of Apex and Steven Shrewsbury, who is like eight feet of “You seriously just licked a lady friend of mine for no reason?” (Kudos too, to Maurice Broaddus who was fully prepared to cheer the other two on in their pummeling of the creepy licker.)

At that point we just left and I slathered my hands with sanitizer (and later I ranted on Facebook about it. But I didn’t name names because this was not a professional con and this was not someone one involved in the industry, but rather a local fan.

So, yeah, I’ve been pretty lucky as far as cons. I’ve generally not been dissed for my envagination, but rather because I’m just a genre nobody.

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June 25

The problem with bookstores

I’ve rambled about this before. Rather a lot, but it’s been a while. And I’m less close to the situation now. Sort of.

I used to be that I was a writer, a reader and a bookseller. I got to witness the utter stupidity of the Borders implosion first hand. I know, without a doubt that most bookstore employees are good, dedicated people who deal with a lot (like, mentally delicate people breaking down in the store, people smacking them with Bibles and the infamous anonymous floor-pooper). They love books, love reading culture and want to bring more books to more people.

Likewise in publishing there is an amazing number of people who love books and want little more than to see great stories be enjoyed by readers.

Something is definitely getting muddled up in the process. During the Borders BS we were put under insane pressure to sell more. We were given daily requirements of those stupid club cards to sell, not to mention we had scripts we had to follow pushing other products. Our district manager told us hitting those numbers was not optional and we’d be fired and replaced if we didn’t do it. Meanwhile prices were being jacked up with the idea that making more off what sales we had would help. Instead it made people avoid us.

After Borders I had a hard time with bookstores. The nearest ones are 20 or so minutes away. When I am out in those directions I try to stop by and I never find the books I’m looking for.  Oh, they could order it online and I could pick it up. But so could I. And in the meantime would I want to buy into their book club? No. It became inconvenient and downright aggravating to walk into a bookstore.

And then there was the ebook thing happening. Publishers admitted they banded together to fix prices because it was the only way they could compete with Amazon. Really? Well that seems familiar. If you want to keep your jobs you’ll sell more stuff. Stuff that’s increasingly expensive. Because, yeah, that works well.

And in the small press I was seeing increasing “Amazon is evil” to the point of publishers sending nasty mails to people or arguing on message boards with people who used Amazon to sell their books. I mean nasty words too.

And yet around that same time I also had a few publishers fail to pay me, or otherwise had some bad experiences. Borders even lost my last check (which was finally gotten to me because I complained on Twitter about it and the person who ran the Borders Twitter feed got it to me. See, good people work out there, it just gets muddled.) But Amazon paid me on time every time.

I’ve tried a number of times since then to re-build my faith in bookstores and publishers (as an entity, not specific people). At least once a week I get an update in my feeds about the DOJ case brought against the publishers for price fixing. This last holiday season I went to a B&N to shop for gifts.

What I found was infuriating. See, I wanted to pick up the first Dexter book for a secret Santa. Last time I’d bought a copy for myself it was mass market paperback, $8 or so. Perfect to add with another goody and stay under my goal price. Except they didn’t have it in mass market any more. Seems the publisher doesn’t sell it in mass market any more. Nope, it got popular and they moved entirely to trade paperback or hard back. Moreso, trade paperback used to mean $9.99-$13. Nope now a trade paperback of the first book of a series which came out nearly TEN years ago was only purchasable at $18.

Really? So now people won’t buy the more expensive option so the answer is to stop making the cheaper option and force them to buy it or nothing? Really? So I went to Half Price books and bought the paperback I wanted for less than I was willing to pay. And I’ve ordered from Amazon or bought at HPB since.

Because I am not an open pocketbook to milk. I’m a customer who deserves some damn respect. I never have expected my books for free. I’ve encouraged people to buy to support authors and not to pirate for as long as I can remember. I’m a hardcover buyer. I’m a buy-a-book-because-it-looks-neat person. I’m a buy-a-book-I’ll-never-get-to-reading-to-support-a-person.

As a reader it’s easy to remember this. I get to have a lot of great book conversations at the day job. I enjoy interacting with and reading my other author friends. I love writing and editing, and even putting together a book for self release. I love my publisher, who treats me well and believes in me.

But that muddled bit makes me feel furious and helpless and a million other BAD things.  The dream of landing an agent and a big house contract is still there. I have a number of friends with both who love their publishing relationships. But damned if I’m not tired of fighting. And walking into bookstores these days feels like walking into the start of a battle.

 

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June 10

Looking at the good side.

I try to, I really do!

Like, hey I got to hear my boss say multiple times that I am very good at my job and an excellent worker the other day. Because a customer was screaming at her on the phone saying I deserved to be bitten by her dog because I was incompetent.

And Mini and I have done a great job working on her Black Widow costume. I even let her dye her hair. But that’s spawned a conversation of the lack of female Avengers (in the movie at least) and my mommy senses being overly cautious about letting her get into cosplay. Because of stuff like this. Mini’s costume is not risque at all. But neither are the pictures shown on those pillows. I have to balance her absolute love for geek culture with caution. Why? Because still think that dressing up in a costume, sexy or not equates consent for touching, photo ops and putting their image on pillows to be sold to random strangers at cons. Also I don’t want her to be paranoid about it and ruin her fun either.

Rot got a wonderful new review on Amazon. But I don’t have any contest entries yet. (Maybe you all would prefer to buy Rot?)

And then there’s the whole SFWA kerfluffle. But I plan to rant about that later. I really am trying to be positive here.

 

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June 6

Rot contest! (And free sample)

Want a free copy of Rot? Plus some? Here’s the deal. Below is a photo of a mysterious wound I suffered (okay, some of you, probably even a lot of you, know how I got it). Your job is to tell me a story, your best story, on how this wound was inflicted on my poor fragile flesh. No word limit. No genre preference. The one I like best wins:

An ebook copy of Rot

A *print* copy of Rot from the first Skullvines edition

A Rot promo package featuring, well, whatever I still have, possibly including a magnet, bookmark and postcard

Oh, plus I’ll give away two addition ebook copies of Rot.

Post your stories right here in the comments. And stick around for a free sample of Rot after the gory picture.

 

Rot

by Michele Lee

When I met Amy, she’d been back from the dead for four days. She’d been at the facility for three of those days. At that point, I’d only been there two. Not that anyone needed more than a few moments to get the gist of the place. She was more bitter about being at the facility than the being dead part, and honestly I didn’t blame her.

She had a scowl on her face as I walked into the office at the Silver Springs Care Community. She had pale skin graced with freckles, soft chin-length brown hair, and the brightest hazel eyes I had ever seen – they made the attractive, mildly chubby, early twentysomething-year-old woman into something extraordinary.

“You’re dead.” I couldn’t stop it once I’d thought it. The words fell out of my mouth like something rotten. Her scowl deepened and I felt bad immediately.

“You know, I hadn’t noticed. Thanks for telling me.”

“I didn’t mean… Look, all of the zombies I’ve seen so far have been…”

“Like them?” She pointed out the window to the grounds, where I could see a keeper leading a train of desiccated corpses on their daily walk.

The facility employed people with enough skill at raising the dead to keep the zombies’ urge to chew on people at bay. Me, I didn’t have a talent for commanding the dead. What I had was twenty-plus years of military and security experience, and the ability to look someone’s ninety-year-old grandmother in the eyes and shoot her.

The job called for all sorts of skills.

“Some of us still retain our own thoughts and personalities. I’m Amy, by the way.” She didn’t offer a hand. She held her arms across her stomach and leaned forward slightly, those eyes boring into me. She was at once defensive and furious. And absolutely lovely.

I nodded. “I’m Dean.”

“Which would you prefer, Dean? Being one of those things out there, rotted to mindlessness, or being locked in a dead body, knowing that’s the future you’ll face? Knowing that someone loved you enough not to let go, but didn’t love you enough to care for you themselves? Instead, they locked you in here where they didn’t have to see or smell you, but could take comfort in the idea that you weren’t exactly dead anymore.”

I thought both options sucked.

*****

It used to be that death, maybe even a long or violent one, would be the worst thing you’d ever have to face. In the few skirmishes I’d served in, other soldiers had taken some comfort in knowing that. But then, that was before they started raising people from the dead.

My nephew used to play a video game where the point was to wander around shooting zombies. There was only a little more to it than that: a bit of mystery; a touch of evil corporation or government conspiracy. The games said that zombies were the result of a disease.

When they started showing up in real life, people assumed the same thing. Government experimentation, biological terrorism, some sort of corporation poisoning the public – the fear and wrath from the living humans caused more damage in those days than the few confirmed zombies. I was privy to a few case reports of homegrown terrorist plots against global corporations who had nothing to do with the occasional walking dead. They were just good targets.

And there was Black Wednesday, too. Forty-five civilians dead. They never did confirm how many employees of that soda company burned, barricaded inside the building by an outraged mob.

Then the truth came out, and I still wonder how many people harbor the secret memories of doing violence that day in the name of protecting themselves or their families. Creating zombies, it turned out, was just a matter of will. The first few we caught in public had likely raised themselves – a few assholes too stubborn to die. The problem came when people started to make zombies for fun and profit. About two percent of the general public had the will to force people back from death. It was a very lucrative, unregulated business.

Places like Silver Springs came in at the end of the line. A loved one coming into our facility was a brutal lesson for those involved. Too many people fell into the category of potential customers, but not enough saw what happened once a zombie entered the gates. I don’t doubt that having a place to tuck away your loved one, who turned out to be too much for you to handle, was useful. But if more people saw the end result of never having to say goodbye, they’d damn well learn to say it.

Amy, yeah.

“So,” she said after I failed to answer her aloud, “if you don’t mind my stench, I’m here to help out.”

I declined to add fuel to her little fire. “What can you help with?”

“I’m good with computers, and organization. I’ve been an office worker and a nurse before.”

“Good, because I’m not good at any of those things.”

“Why are you here, then?”

I shrugged. It was a job. “I guess for when things go wrong.”

She snorted. I hadn’t killed her the first time. But chances were high that when she finally lost control, I’d be the one to put her down. It was a shame, but we both knew it. In another time, I’d fancy that my old ass might have a chance to enjoy the pleasure of her company, if only for dinner and conversation.

We were the only ones in the office. It wasn’t the office outsiders saw. It was more functional than the maroon and white showroom out front. For one thing, there were bars on the windows, as pretty as they were, and the steel doors were magnetically sealed, verified for at least 1800 pounds of force. The front room was unsafe should the facility go all Jurassic Park, but the rest of the building was secured.

I leaned back in the chair, propped my feet on the desk and watched the security grids on the computer screen. Amy sorted through stacks of paper mechanically. Sometimes she filed things away, sometimes she tapped madly at the keyboard, recording files or transferring them to the home office in the city. Of course, that place did nothing but record what happened here. It was our black box, not our cavalry.

“How did it happen?” I asked the silence. I was uncomfortable with Amy at my back, but more so treating her as nonexistent, like many of the other employees did. I turned toward her, still keeping the monitors in my peripheral vision. “Is that too personal?”

“Probably, but believe it or not, no one ever asked. Not here, anyway. It’s probably in my file.”

“Don’t take offense. It’s easier to keep a distance than sympathize with a terminal patient. It’s human nature to avoid pain.”

“Stroke.” Amy still wasn’t looking at me. It bothered me. I guess I thought that since she didn’t look dead, something in her eyes might betray her. Not seeing them kept me from reassuring myself.

“A stroke? But you’re so young.”

Amy shrugged. I had the feeling she was hiding a lot of how she felt. “I don’t remember dying. I just know what it says on my death certificate.”

“Morbid fascination?”

“No. My husband threw it in my face before he had them bring me here.” She paused and looked to the grassy expanse outside the barred window. “He had me raised because he couldn’t let go, but he couldn’t find it in himself to touch me. ‘You’re not my Amy anymore,’ he told me. Then he called his new girlfriend over to console him when they took me away.”

“And you didn’t fight it at all?” The thought of passively leaving the person I loved was alien to me.

“Are you kidding me? If I’d showed any emotion other than obedience, they would have napalmed me right there on the street.”

I stayed quiet. No, it seemed unfair. But I’d seen bodies in the morgue that had been savaged by angry or mindless zombies. That wasn’t exactly fair, either.

“What about you? What brings you to our fine zombie herding establishment?”

I thought about lying to make her feel better, but she’d given me the truth. “Money. This field is so specialized, it pays real well.”

Amy finally looked at me and smiled viciously. “At least my husband is paying for one of us.”

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May 29

Review: Forbidden Creatures by Peter Laufer

So disappointed in this book. I picked it up hoping to get some good insight into animal smuggling and people who live with and breed true exotics (monkeys, apes, large or poisonous snakes, non-domesticated felines, etc) for a story I want to write. Instead I got a long, repetitive screed on “Is it morally right to own pets” that made everyone but the author out to be either clingy emotionally-damaged fussers or macho-people out to dominate mother nature.

Yawn.

And ironically the author himself often talks about his dog and cat without even a little awareness of being a responsible domestic pet owner. (His cat is freely allowed outside despite this being devastating to local ecosystems, and his dog only does tricks for treats, not because a well-mannered socialized dog is safer for a community or more likely to be able to be rehomed if needed for some reason.)

It frustrated me so much that every person interviewed in this book as an exotic pet owner is portrayed so badly. And that there is next to nothing about smuggling, or responsible pet ownership period. It’s all half-truths (like the oft-repeated “you can’t breed the wild out” to which I offer a hearty WTF because how do you think we ended up with the domestic dog? Yeah, you can’t breed the wild out in a few generations or even decades, but it’s battered around so much in the book that I eyerolled every time.)

And speaking of oft-repeated EVERYTHING is repeated. Especially the sad stories of people who put their lives into caring for an animal and tragedy struck. We get it, strong animals with big teeth can be dangerous. So can chihuahuas. Ask any vet or dog groomer what the most dangerous pet is and you’ll likely hear a small dog breed or domestic cat (who can send you to the hospital rather easy since they can carry toxoplasmosis.)

In the end I couldn’t stomach this book after 150 pages. It’s not what it’s advertised as, the author is clearly biased and out more to muse on what crazy people could do this and push scare tactics to villianize any and all pet owners.

Mr. Laufer, you want to know why we own pets? Because like all hobbies, IT MAKES US HAPPY. (And FYI, there are scientifically proven benefits too.)

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