The Gap

Anyone in the artsy business can tell you there’s this gap between wanting to be an artist and actually doing it. Toss out people who only do their art as a hobby, because that’s almost entirely about the enjoyment.

I’m talking about people who list themselves as self-employed artists. Those who grump about being unable to make a living as an indie artist, or turn down day jobs because they want to be [insert artist type here]. Of course I have no right to make choices for someone else’s life. But my own frustration comes from knowing how hard I’ve worked and how long its taken for me to get where I am. How I’ve jumped on every opportunity. Then I learned which ones where worth the effort (by my own standards). I’m constantly trying to keep learning, reading, listening, talking with people and reassessing my career, my actions and my goals. (Not to mention my writing.)

I’m having a little bit of a hard time dealing with people who get stuck on the dreamer side of that gap. Maybe because I’m afraid I’m that person. My writing has slowed down a lot in the last year. First it was depression, then some serious re-evaluating. Now, though, it’s something different.

I enjoy writing still, but I’ve really enjoyed making things more. I’ve been sewing a lot, making dog bows for work, drawing. If it wasn’t for the heat I know I’d be out in my garden more, reshaping the land around me as much as everything else. I’m really looking forward to canning too.

I get that to finish a book I need to sit down and write it. I’m not making any excuses (though I *am* tired from the day job, researching, training a new dog, keeping the kids amused for the summer and enjoying the busiest social life I think I’ve ever had.) But none of those are why I’m not writing. I’m not writing because I’m having more fun doing other things.

And that’s okay. Breaks are okay. Hobbies instead of artist careers are okay. They can prevent burn out. They can keep you sane in troubled times.

There’s a difference between a vacation, or a different level of interest, and no real desire to put yourself out there. I think maybe more people need to be willing to admit they don’t actually want to make a career out of arting. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a good artist, or a serious one. It means you don’t desire to make a living off your work, or to make art work. Or maybe you don’t really want to subject your work to the kind of criticism one finds in the market.

Let’s face it, more people should admit that, rather than having extreme meltdowns when that first not-glowing review comes along.

The first step is walking across that gap. Turning want to into butt in the chair doing. I think there comes point where you have to admit you don’t really want to be an artist enough to work for it. Or that you need a break to breathe.

And by the way, those of you out there that I know who have been struggling with non-art phases in your lives, STOP IT. You would not be the artist you are now without that break. No guilt. Just be truthful to yourself.