March 5

Emergency Bags and me

I hesitate to call myself a prepper. I mean, I’m not one of those people storing up for a zombie apocalypse. (Honestly while it’s fun to explore in fiction I believe it’s exceedingly unlike any End-of-the-world-as-we-know-it scenario will happen in our lifetimes.)

But several years ago we had a heck of a year with a windstorm that knocked out power to hundreds of thousands in the area for as long as four weeks. (We were without power for a week and completely unprepared.) The February after we had an ice storm that slammed us with 3 inches of ice. It was genuinely spooky walking around the house that night checking for damage before letting the dogs out, hearing nothing but echoing silence and the occasional crack and smash of ice sliding off a roof or breaking a branch. Later that year in August we got six inches of rain in about 30 minutes leading to a ton of flooding.

I started trying to “prep” after the first incident (primarily trying to keep a little extra food, toilet paper and such on hand and also making sure we owned a grill so we could cook food if it happened again.) but after the third I started trying to do more. It’s not easy to do, especially on a limited income. But I have kids and pets and I know much better now than to take phones, power and nice supportive neighbors for granted.

Last night Louisville got a bit of a snow storm. I grew up at least partially in South Bend and am smart to lake-effect style snow storms. A lot of people around here are. A lot aren’t. And some just get stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time. This is one of the highways, I 65 during this storm.



Louisville saw almost 12 inches of snow fall overnight. Other places saw over twenty inches. Most of those places are outlying towns and neighborhoods, places with either few winter supplies because it doesn’t make much fiscal sense to buy and keep up a fleet, or places “between” the cities who do snow removal. It’s real easy to fall through the cracks.

A friend of mine was caught in this, coming north from Bowling Green. Her stories at the complete lack of aide drivers were offering, to the point of blocking each other in out pure selfish attempt to get a few inches closer to home, are…disappointing. But not surprising, because having been out in it for the first few hours the number of people taking insane, stupid risks, especially on slick roads, had me screaming at drivers all around me. People are stupid, and that’s a vast understatement.

My friend was able to help others with water and food and warmth. But she talked about people running out of gas, people travelling with no food or water and no way to get any, fifty miles from anywhere.

So take this as a reason to work on an emergency bag for your car. I’m taking it as a reason to improve mine. Some things to include:


A change of clothes (one per person, which also is useful in case of car sickness)

Fix a Flat

Jumper cables

a first aid kit

24 hours of food per person who regularly used the car

Flash light

A gallon of water per person

Hand sanitizer

a roll of toilet paper

disposable plastic bags (used shopping bags work well)

a hygiene kit with mouthwash, a wash cloth, feminine hygiene pads and baby wipes


And consider including:

a backup power bank for cell phones

an emergency dog leash (if you have pets)

a multi purpose utility tool, like a Leatherman

rain ponchos

An emergency or camping shovel

a method of starting fire


Feel free to add you recommendations in the comments.

Also you can read more about the rescues here and here.


March 3

PETA sucks (and isn’t.)

It isn’t for the ethical treatment of animals, because how in the hell this ethical??

It seems PETA is going to be punished for taking and killing Maya, a little girl’s pet chihuahua. The putative “animal rights” organization – which hauled in $50,000,000 in donations last year – will be forced to pay a $500 fine.

From the HuffPo.

PETA has a history of this kind of behavior, grandstanding and trying to prove that pets are better off free from people…by being the people that put them in danger. They have an insanely high euthanasia rate at their “shelters”.

The Humane Society of the United States is almost as bad, with that whole being not allied with any actual shelters or humane societies and giving about 1% of their funding to such places.

So where’s a pet lover to donate?

Think local, looking into your local shelter, rescues, and humane societies. If there is a free or low cost clinic or spay/neuter program in your area donate there.

Here in Louisville I’ve personally interacted with and liked a lot of the programs run by Saving Sunny (a pitt bull rescue that is also currently running a special project to help low income neighborhood with everything from dog food and leashes to spaying, neutering and training.) Woodstock Animal Foundation (which adopts out through the Westport Rd. Petsmart) and South West Ohio Doberman Rescue (I have never seen these people give up on dogs!)

And while I have complaints about Petsmart (erm, they really could donate returned or damaged food instead of destroying it) their Charities program is excellent and helps out not just with homeless pets, but in bringing pets to classrooms and sending aide to people and pets who have faced natural disasters.

Even your local zoo can put used or new pet supplies to good use, and a new model catching on is thrift shops who donate their proceeds to shelters and rescues, so it doesn’t even have to be pet care items you donate.

If you’re more looking to support exotics the first step is to ask an exotics vet in your area who they recommend. There’s also places like Tiger Haven, P.A.W.S. and Black Pine Animal Sanctuary.

With more and more stories of PETA using your funds to burn down college research labs (I’m not for all research, but how is firebombing them helpful??), to steal and euthanize animals and…well this story speaks for itself. You’d better serve animals by burning the money than giving it to PETA.


February 10

Things Your Vet Clinic Wants You to Know

Please, Please, For the Love Of God Keep Your Pet on a Leash or in a Carrier Until We Tell You

While this post has been coming for a while chasing a dog around the clinic for five minutes yesterday because the owner came in and immediately took off his leash prompted me to do it now. Running around and trying to grab him when everyone else was in the exam room waiting was not fun.

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of holding a cat who came without a carrier for over 15 minutes while her owner settled up the bill and got redressed in his outerwear to leave. She was sweet, but all of two minutes in the large, open lobby completely exposed to people coming in and out of the room randomly and strange sounds had her on edge and trying to get away to find cover. I smiled and waited politely as she left a series of scratches on my arms that are still healing.

Here’s the thing, it’s highly likely your pet, even if they are good and calm, is going to be uncomfortable in this “new” place with lots of people moving around and all kinds of unpredictable sights sounds and smells. Plus that front door opens a lot as other people come in and go out.

That leash is sometimes the ONLY way you have to control your pet in the clinic environment. And as for cats they almost always feel safer inside that carrier, both in the car and in the clinic. Which leads right into:

Just Because Your Pet is Friendly Doesn’t Mean Others Are

We have clients who have aggression issues. We have new clients who we know nothing at all about. We have sick and injured clients and when pets are in pain or feeling wrong they do sometimes act out or panic.

Personally my dog Astrid has fear aggression issues. If another dog approaches her calmly and friendly she’s perfectly find. But if they run up to her and immediately try a play jump she panics and her brain translates that as them being aggressive to her, not playful. I don’t know why she’s like that, but she is.

We try to get people into exam rooms or into the grooming area as quickly as possible so a bunch of pets aren’t all crammed into the waiting room at the same time. But it doesn’t always work out that way.

Besides, letting your dog jump at others is just rude (in doggy language).

Every Dog Needs Training

Even the good ones. Even the really good ones. We highly recommend some training, even if it’s just you reading a book or watching a video about it and trying it yourself. Dogs who get training are less likely to be rehomed, they’re more likely to be exposed to more environments which means they’re more likely to be calm in ours.

Furthermore it’s likely we’ll only ever see your pets when they are sick or injured. In that case being trained to let someone check their mouth, ears and handle their feet can make a huge difference, especially if we’re looking at a foot injury, and ear infection or an oral abscess. And these are not hard things to train your dog to do, just make it part of their daily routine to let your look at their teeth, hold their paws or look in their ears. Plus you’ll be able to see issues before they start limping or shaking their head or stop eating.

Then there’s kennel training, which I have heard some people say is cruel. Locking your dog in a kennel while you’re at work, or out of the house is not cruel. It is the safest thing for them. You know they won’t eat something bad, or tear things up, or get hurt. They’re safe. And if your dog knows that kennels are okay that it makes it easier for us when they come to us for boarding or hospitalization. It’s hard enough that they are without you, or have to be movement-restricted (because of an injury or IVs or what not) Being okay with being in a kennel is just one less thing to stress them out.

We Can’t Do it All Alone

We depend on you to give us clues to your pet’s health. Things like vomiting, diarrhea, not eating are things we don’t see, we need you to see them for us. We can do tests or make sense of the information your pet is giving us to make a diagnosis and treat.

Furthermore we need you to make sure your pet gets their medicine. There is only so much we can do if we send you home with a coarse of antibiotics and you don’t give them to your pet. And coming in once every 3-4 months when your dog’s ears are so infected they reek and they’re bleeding then complaining about we can’t fix it when we depend on you to keep treating at home isn’t going to get anything done. We depend on you to be your pet’s advocate, whether that be making sure they get daily meds, or weekly ears checks or simply making sure they get water and food.

There aren’t a lot of single dose fixes out there, sometimes we just need to keep up some level of constant maintenance.

Sometimes We Take Your Pet To the Back Because…

-Because they are better behaved without you around

-Because they are very vocal and likely to scream/hiss/yowl about the smallest thing, like us touching them, and we don’t want you to get anxious or think we’re hurting them

-Because sometimes we need to curse or joke or vent while also working with/on your pet and it gives us the privacy to do so

-Because sometimes pets fight no matter what and it allows us to restrain them in a way that keeps them and us safe, but also in a way which might panic you (like pinning them on their side, or having multiple people hold them)

-Because sometimes things get messy. Dogs and cats might pee out of fear, express their anal glands or poop. Sometimes when we draw blood a pet’s blood pressure might be up and they might bleed a little so we take them in the back so we can clean them up if this happens and you don’t have to see the messy parts of medical care.

-Because sometime we NEED to lock ourselves in and lock distractions out. Do I even need to express the importance of a dog being absolutely still if we are doing something like flushing a blocked tear duct or repairing/rechecking a corneal tear?

We Love Your Pets

We really do. When the time has come for euthanasia and you can’t bear to stay we make sure your pet always has loving hands stroking them and sweet talk in their ears. We look at our appointments and cringe when we hear something is going wrong. Even the bad ones, even the ones that never quite learn to potty outside, even the mean ones and the neurotic ones. We love them all and we want to see them and you happy (honestly, them more than you).

Category: Personal | 1 Comment
February 1

More on vaccines, autism, idiots and hate

I’ve been vocal here on the blog and on my Facebook page about my views on vaccines, anti-vaccine people and autism. I’ve talked about the anti-GMO movement and poverty and the struggle to do what’s best for your family and the responsibility to keep what’s good for the community at large in mind as well.

The recent outbreak at Disney has it coming up as a common topic in more and more places. Invariably when you speak out you’re accused of being a shill for the vaccine companies (damn, I WISH that were true because it would be pretty sweet to have income from sitting online arguing with people. Much better than cleaning up blood and poop and restraining biting pets.) On a personal level people assume you’re telling them they’re stupid.

Here’s why I fight. Bad science hurts people. It makes people less likely to seek medical help or fight for good help when they run into assholes in the medical field. As an adult you have the right to this decision. Your pets and your children do not have this choice, they are held hostage to our choices so we much strive to help them.

Furthermore I have this problem with fear. See, so much of the anti-science, anti-GMO, anti-vaccine movements are based on FEAR. On one hand it’s damned insulting that “Autistic” is somehow a scarier thing to be that “Dead”. Chuck Wendig says smart things here about why people start to become scared and why they start letting anti-thoughts take seat in their head.

Once you realize how much of this industry (and there are industries built around trying to sell you cures and trying to scare you into believing you have a condition which needs their cure) is based on creating and preying on fear (fuck I wish writing horror had the same income level as these fear mongers have) you can’t but get pissed off. And when you care about people and you genuinely want to see them well, healthy, when you understand the struggle with a permanent illness…you get pissed off when you see people offering them one more flash in a pan snake oil salesman.

I used to be a workshop leader for the area’s Living Well Workshop. For those who don’t know it’s an evidence-based publicly funded program developed by Stanford to help people with chronic conditions self-manage their care, or those caring for people with chronic conditions better aid those leaning on them. I have a lot of experience in chronic conditions and coping with them. A lot.

I’ve seen people walk in broken and ready to lay down and stop fighting. I’ve been privileged enough to help them find their fight again and chart a path to handle it better. Helping them reach that moment of realization is worth the fight. To put it in layman’s terms if I was a ranger people who prey on illness, injury, desperation and hopelessness would be my chosen enemy.

I’m against the level of rhetoric that these arguments creep into where it becomes a judgment. It becomes a way for some people to be better than others, by being able to afford organic GMO free food. It gets to the level where GOOD parents make these certain decisions for their families and the ones who don’t make those other choices.

But Michele, someone is thinking, it’s not like people are actually saying you are a bad parent if you vaccinate your kids or feed them regular food or GMO food. Except they are.

“Be mad at yourself, because you’re, frankly, a bad mother. You didn’t ask once about those vaccines. You didn’t ask about the chemicals in them. You didn’t ask about all the harmful things in those vaccines…. People need to learn the facts.”

Shaming is NOT what supporting chronic illnesses or supporting the healthy is about.

And shaming people, lying about science and profiting off fear absolutely pisses me off. And maybe you think it’s helping you, and maybe you think I’m mean and stupid and nothing more than a shill for fight it. But I’m fighting for the health of the people I love, even if that’s you. Even if you’re still holding out for a miracle diet or cure. Maybe someday it’ll come. And I promise to be there to put it through some fire to make sure it’s sound before you test your life and health on it.


January 17

Pet Apps

So, I have a confession to make. You all know how dog #4 went terribly bad for us last year. But on the second day of 2015 we got a call from a neighborhood friend. They have an outdoor German Shepherd and someone threw a tiny puppy into his enclosure, we think, hoping either tossing her over a six foot privacy fence or the dog himself would finish her off. But that’s not what happened. She ended up with us, and well…I swear there are dogs we’ll say no to.

Anyway, here is Ursa.


So this has me working on my dog records. You all do keep your dogs records right? I keep two copies, one in a folder just in case something happens at home and a little booklet for each dog that I bought at Petsmart which goes in our BOB/emergency bag, so if we have to get out of dodge we still have all this info. Having this info on hand is VERY important in case of an emergency from being able to prove our dogs are vaccinated if we have to cross state lines to if a neighbor anonymously reports to Animal control that you leave your dogs outside all hours of the day and night with no food, water or shelter.

Can you tell that latter happened to us last year? I was at work, but Jason was home and was able to show rabies vacc dates and city registration for three of the four dogs, and explained that the fourth was a foster. He was also able to show records of heartworm treatment and vet visits for Butch, who was limping because of his back hip issues at the time. (He was also able to show her four friendly, happy, well fed dogs, a 5 gallon bucket of water a dog house big enough for all four dogs to fit into not to mention the holes the dogs dug under shrubs to lay in. Even the Animal Control person asked which of our neighbors we pissed off because the charges were ludicrous.

Keeping records is especially important when you own large dogs, or breeds people tend to be scared of. Rottweilers, pitt bull types, Akitas, Huskies, Dobermans, German Shepherds, Dogo Argentino, Cana Corso….if you own a dog of these breeds or that LOOKS like any of these breeds it’s very important to keep those records and be able to show someone on the spot (it could mean the difference between your dogs being taken or not.

You should absolutely keep hard copies, just in case. But I’ve been toying around with some Apps too.

Pet First Aid by The American Red Cross

This one costs a token fee and isn’t really for pet management, but is totally useful especially if you don’t know when is time to hit an emergency vet and when it can wait until morning. I don’t know what things are like in your area, but here the most reasonable emergency vet starts at $600 a visit, before they even start doing things.

This app also includes disaster management and preparedness tips for pet owners, though this and the first aid tips are limited to dogs and cats.

ASPCA by 3 Sided Cube

This one offers emergency tips even without a connection to the internet, as well as file storage, help making lost posters and (with internet access) access to lost/found pet listings. It’s really nice to be able to put all your pet information (including vacc records and medicines they are taking) in one app with the preparedness info.


Wow… I got the free version of this one and I’m glad I did. It’s very basic advice, no customization, and not written primarily for English speaking users. Plus, ads run constantly at the top, which means it slowed my tablet down. The pro version might be better, but it also costs.


It’s pretty much Facebook for pet owners, only you also have to log in with your facebook account and be online to use it. The only stellar feature I found (that is for my needs/tastes) is it can use your location to tell you where pet friendly locations and events are around you. But not real useful for me because I’m not using a smart phone that’s on a network all the time.

Dogs a-z

This is pretty much a giant list of dog breeds, most with pictures and the breeds link to Wikipedia info pages. My kids are into guessing the breeds of dogs we pass, so they like this one.


This is a new free app from the ASPCA that allows you to instantly access information about foods and meds that are poisonous to your pets. You can also call directly to the ASPCA’s pet poison help line for advice on how to treat your pet.

Finally, there are a lot of pet apps that help you track your pet’s records and/or set up reminders for when shots or treatments are due. Of the ones I’ve tried my favorites are Pet Health Book Lite because it allows you to track symptoms and sicknesses in addition to weights, vaccinations and such. And Dog Health, which has all the same bells and whistles, plus an impressive interface.

Do you have any apps I should try out?

December 31

2015 n’ junk n’ stuff

So, last day of the year…good fuckin’ riddance.

2014 was a shit year for my family. It started out not all bad. I did get my dream job and start training as a vet tech at a clinic that is pretty darn awesome. I’m out of the corporate world, in a small business that mostly appreciates my work (no one is perfect, you know.) And I saw an uptick in my etsy sales, as well as managing to sell a few paintings as well.

As for the bad, well hell. My mother-in-law died in January, my former place of employment disciplined me and threatened to fire me the day I returned from her funeral, my partner was laid off by his job of 12 years and we’re had a number of adventures at the unemployment and social security offices poorly equip with our Unearned Income of Entitlement (aka the system is unfair and seeks to blatantly punish those who need and ask for help under the guise of “encouraging” people to not continue on social services and make one feel as if the whole world thinks you’d be better off dead than remaining alive), someone dumped a dog with a ton of medical issues in our yard and we couldn’t bear to let him be put down at a shelter so we tried to save him, in the end that dog once he got better showed a dangerous level of aggression, attacked and killed our cat of 9 years and we had to humanely euthanize him (even though we became ridiculously attached to him, and after we’d accumulated a huge vet bill trying to help him), our van broke down (and is still immobile in our driveway, longing for the day when we have money to fix what we hope is a minor hose problem), my partner lost a cousin, the mother of a lifelong friend and one of his high school friends is now battling a serious health issue, he himself has had a few narrow misses with “almost, but not quite” employment, is battling a pretty fierce depression and also just got life changing medical news.

As it stands now I have to get through two checks with reduced holiday hours (because we’ve been closed on Thursdays, which are usually my 10 hour days), still have over $200 in vet bills to pay, will probably slip behind on other bills because of pay and holiday spending, Jason has to wait on more doctor visits before he can be employed, if they even hold the job for him and don’t just fill it with one of the thousands of other people looking for work right now.

It’s been a very rough year, and I hope things turn around, but then I’ve been hoping that all year.

Some of my artist friends and I have taken to choosing a word to represent the year, in lieu of resolutions or goals. Just some element that we want to see happen or work toward. Last year this was my word art:



At the beginning of 2014 I had reached a point where I had stability in my life. I’d had a job for two years, Jason had been at his job for a while, the kids were doing well in school (in fact my daughter had qualified for advanced placement classes) and it looked like it was time to start really working on things in our life.

I wanted to work on repairing and beautifying our home, even though I didn’t have a lot of handywoman experience. Well the bad news is we know our foundation needs some expensive repairs, but I have patched holes, built on my garden, worked a lot on decluttering and organizing, repaired my washer on my own and I got pretty good at making jam this year.

I wanted to grow more positive things my life, literally and in a social/magical sense. That part has been very hard because of all the struggles with depression and the insane amount of negativity we’ve faced this year. But I have been trying to stay positive. I’ve been trying to give when I can, to share what I do have and to help other people. I would very much like to be able to do more of this.

I wanted to work more on writing in 2014 as well, and at that I’ve excelled. I’ve written a novella, am about 20-30k into the Wolf Heart follow up and I released a short story collection that I’ve been planning for two years. I’ve started querying agents again (no luck yet, but I’m putting my work out there again!) and submitting stories to magazines I’d like to see my name in. I’ve also worked on improving my crafts, through rejoining a workshop, and my other craft by starting to play with painting videos and instructions books.

I think its possible that my 2014 year has been a very powerful one because so much has been stripped out of my life right now that there is indeed some room for major progress. I guess it just doesn’t feel much like progress when you’re looking at an empty lot and bill for demolition wondering where you’re going to live while things are rebuilt.

In 2015 my word is:



I thought about it for a long time. At first I was going to make it “Hope” as a way to encourage myself to hold out hope, to keep believing that things happen for a reason, and yes, we are pulling ourselves up by our boot straps a little at a time.

But then I started thinking about how I have been internalizing so much negativity and hopelessness lately. I feel so much like I need to punish myself for not doing enough to support my family, for not being able to just fix all these things going wrong. And then I thought about how ridiculous that is. I can’t fix Jason’s depression. I can’t fix his unemployment.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t fix Butch’s aggression issues, all I could do is make the best decision for him and my family moving forward. And that decision is freedom. I couldn’t rewire his brain, or go back in time and re-raise him to not be fearful and reactive.

I can’t go back in time and re-raise myself to be a confident, secure person who believes she is someone of value. I can’t change the things that happened to make me who I am. But I can try to work toward freeing myself, from insecurity, from fear and from whatever wiring it is that leads me to blame myself for failures entirely outside of my control. I can work toward NOT punishing myself for “not being good enough” and toward freeing myself from the idea that I will never be good enough.

And hopefully with that freedom I’ll find a way to handle the down swings and the up with grace and aplomb, and be able to also model that to my children and the people around me.

So, here’s to 2015, and a kickin’ New Years Eve celebrating that 2014 didn’t manage to kill us.

Category: Personal | 2 Comments
December 19

There’s No Such a Thing as a Bad Dog

Social media has been mad with the story of Bela, a 9 year old German Shepherd whose owner died and who left in her will that he be euthanized, his ashes mixed with hers and they be buried together. People seem to miss the fact that Bela is, by many accounts, including the word of the person who was designated to care for him after his owner’s death, aggressive, possibly dangerous.

In my county any dog who has bitten a person unprovoked (meaning when not being beaten or not defending their home) or bitten another animal is considered “potentially dangerous”. Let’s talk for a second about what that means. Biting is a form of communication for animals, the same as kicking, growling, scratching and stomping. Plain and simple animals don’t rationalize and communicate like we do. They hear, see, smell things we don’t. Their brains work differently, process or become overwhelmed by things differently. Much like a person on the autism spectrum who can be overcome by external stimuli and act out (the infamous “meltdowns”) or someone with anxiety disorder or schizophrenia having a panic attack, only the way their brains works makes them less likely to be able to “rationalize” their way out of it. Not that you can anyway.

When your brain is literally working against you, telling you this or that is a danger or throwing you into a fight or flight situation it can be impossible to fight even when you know you have a condition and know what your triggers are.  Now add in that your life is entirely at someone else’s whim, someone that might be nice, or mean, or likely you translate it as both at times (you know, because people deny dogs the food they want and a dog might not understand that’s because it’s chocolate or loaded with onions and might kill them), you’re territorial and immediately uncomfortable to outright paranoid when not in your territory or when new people come around (and now it’s both!).

German Shepherds are wonderful dogs. I adore them. They are not easy to own dogs. People are afraid of them because of their size, their recognizably and their reputation as a guard breed. They are absolutely not for just anyone to own. They require training.

I worked with one at Petsmart who was a gorgeous boy, never gave me a lick of trouble for anything, didn’t even try to pull me around the salon. He jumped on the grooming table on his own and held up his feet for me. (Some dogs wouldn’t dream of biting, but they will resist nail trims by leaning all their weight on the foot you are trying to hold or trying to yank or hide the foot from you with their bodies. This was funny the first time it happened to me. When a 120 pound lab comes in and I had to hold him standing and fight for his foot and do the trim it gets painful quick. I really appreciate a dog that’ll hold it’s feet up.) But GSDs were one of the most feared breeds in the salon for a reason. That same beautiful wonderful dog that was a pleasure to handle, when in a kennel would snarl and charge the door, flick foam and generally terrorize any dog or any person other than me that walked past him. There were many times that I thought the kennel door would pop open and he’d attack someone. He certainly tried to convince us of that. But when I did open the door it was right back to waiting to be told to come out and staying in a heel and being perfectly behaved.

At my current job we have a GSD who not long ago killed the owner’s cat. He’s bitten multiple other dogs and is something of a terrorist in his neighborhood. He’s pretty easy to give a bath and nail clip to though. I would not want to own him if his owner died and bequeathed him to me. I would not trust him around my other animals or my neighbor’s animals.

Which bring me to a more painful topic. If you’re a regular blog reader you know that at the beginning of the year someone dumped a sickly, intact, heartworm positive pit bull mix in our back yard. If you aren’t my Facebook friend you might not know how this story ends.

We contacted a number of rescues and only one returned our calls, but couldn’t take him. We spend hundreds of dollars treating him for heartworms, then one night he bit my partner Jason. And not a warning bite or a “I was going for the toy and missed” bite. He bit him hard, broke the skin and tried again. We contacted everyone we could think of for help. The message was clear, no one wanted him, and no one wanted to help us try to train him either without at least $60 an hour (that was the most reasonable price and that was a nonprofit humane society).

We adjusted meds, we worked on training with the backing of a wonderful vet team, we neutered him as soon as it was medically safe (and even then we pushed things). He got decent at walking on a leash. He got to where I could hand feed him or pet him while he ate. He still snapped at Jason, and then he started growling at the kids when it was time for a potty break and he didn’t want to go out.

Then one night he cornered our cat of eight years and attacked him, breaking his spine and killing him. The kids witnessed it, in fact the kids had tried to intervene and if I hadn’t insisted that he be wearing a leash while inside so that he could be handled without being touched my daughter would have been bitten too. And he never bit lightly.

The truth was sometimes he was a sweet dog, leaning on you, wanting pets, always happy to see you, wanting to make people happy by sitting and offering a paw. He was amazing for some fairly invasive medical treatment as well. And sometimes when he didn’t want to do what you said, or thought you were close he tried to take chunks out of you. He never trusted us and we stopped trusting him around the time of the first bite.

We talked about building a kennel in the yard and only myself or Jason handling him. He was only allowed in the house with a leash for goddsakes, so that none of us got bitten because he had tried! What kind of life was that? What kind of life would any of us be living, with a dog who was more than willing to hurt us?

We made a last attempt at rehoming him. Gods we made multiple attempts at rehoming him because we were so out of our ability level. But here’s the thing NO ONE WANTED HIM. No one was willing to put time money and effort–RISK–into him when there were hundreds of cute, lovable, not-biting dogs that needed to be saved.

So we made the terrible decision to humanely euthanize him because while he wasn’t a bad dog, he wasn’t a safe one either.

I have cried so much over that damn dog. We all have. We’ve held each other and consoled each other. We did everything right. But you cannot save them all.

Aggression is that deal breaker. It’s the complication that cannot be ignored. Sometimes dogs have situational aggression like cage aggression or they bite when you mess with their feet. You can work around that. You can take steps to modify their behavior and improve the situation and lessen the risk. But aggression doesn’t just risk your skin, it’s can be dangerous to each and every person your dog can or might come into contact with. Your vet, their techs, the mailman, your niece, yours kids, anything smaller than it…And it can end up with other beloved pets (yours or someone else’s) grievously injured or dead. It can end up with huge medical bills, vet bills, lawsuits and insurance issues.

It is not as easy as “Well if you don’t want the dog I do”. And believe me no one wishes it was that simple more than the owners and rescue professionals who have to make these decisions.

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