On Cons

There’s a lot going around about abuse and sexual harassment at cons. I think I’ve been lucky so far. My experiences have mostly been positive. I’ve even been part of some absolutely amazing conversations about very tender subjects at places like Mo*Con. 

When I went to WFC in 2010 it was an odd mixture. It was the first time I saw the Old Guard vs the New Wave. But a lot of my blah treatment (at worst) was dismissal of my opinion on fiction trends, my choice of books to read and write and my position along the “success/importance” track. (By the way it was where I was also treated as a VIP by several writers and then-new Apex Editor Catherynne Valente and completely brushed off and ignored by the EiC of a prestigious small press which has since imploded, surprising me not a bit based on how I, as an unimportant mere consumer/fan was treated.) I also, though, was on my first panel about writing horror where I had a fabulous time. I was the only woman, but no one talked over me, everyone listened to my opinion and a great time was had.

I have had one REALLY bad experience with a con. It was Fandom Fest here in Louisville and I never reported it to the con because I was not a paid con attendee. I was there to hang out with some friends at the con hotel/in public space.

Three thing happened at this con. One, a man (not a bit drunk) decided it was okay to sit on a bed with me (I was perched on the corner) and then lay in my lap. Not someone I knew, so I made haste out of that situation. Second I was strongly and frankly propositioned by another man. He pretty much said if I was looking for a good time he’d be honored to provide it. When I told him I was married, he said so were many of the other women he’d been with at cons and that didn’t mean their husband met their needs. When I told him No, I was there to meet with some friends he said look him up if I changed my mind, then he changed the subject and we chatted quite a bit over the night and it never came up again. It made me a little uncomfortable, but he was fairly polite, never invaded my space and wasn’t really creepy, just surprisingly direct.

Number three though. Wooo, this one is a doozy. So I run into someone I used to LARP with for the second time that night. He was VERY drunk. I mentioned to another friend how I knew the man, then it derailed to how I met my partner, Jason. (He was playing a female vampire character at said LARP, complete with skirt and a 3 inch mohawk. He said I was pretty.) So then somehow the conversation entered into this “I can do so much better for you than he has” territory, with the very drunk man trying to tell me how all he could do better for me. (By the way, Jason and I had celebrated 15 years together earlier that same year. A little late on the draw there buddy.) The creep factor, and the feeling of this man being a little angry that I wasn’t taking him seriously started to sky rocket.

So I put some people between myself and him, he wandered off and then wandered back. By that point my friends and I were headed out anyway. He was between me and the door. He expressed sorrow that I was leaving (while tottering on his feet) then put his hand out. I took it so shake and he proceeded to…well, you know how some guys think it’s all chivalrous to kiss a woman’s hand? Not so much when you lick it from knuckle to wrist.

Being stunned prevented him from getting punched, by me. I probably wouldn’t have needed to because at that point several friends jumped up, including the two people I was with, Jason Sizemore of Apex and Steven Shrewsbury, who is like eight feet of “You seriously just licked a lady friend of mine for no reason?” (Kudos too, to Maurice Broaddus who was fully prepared to cheer the other two on in their pummeling of the creepy licker.)

At that point we just left and I slathered my hands with sanitizer (and later I ranted on Facebook about it. But I didn’t name names because this was not a professional con and this was not someone one involved in the industry, but rather a local fan.

So, yeah, I’ve been pretty lucky as far as cons. I’ve generally not been dissed for my envagination, but rather because I’m just a genre nobody.