March 13

Preview: Pleasure Horse from M. Lush

*M. Lush is my naughty side. Pleasure Horse is the third in my erotic romance novella series and will be available as soon as Amazon releases it.

1.

Gemma’s forelegs folded under as her rear legs pushed her up over the white bar. Fake green brush moved past in a blur. On her back, Sammie held the reins tight for a moment to prevent the mare’s habit of breaking into a full run as soon as all four feet were back on the ground. Sammie settled herself back into the saddle with a touch more bump than she would have liked.

At home in the ring this is when she usually started criticizing her own performance. But this wasn’t her home ring, this wasn’t practice, so Sammie gave the mare a touch more rein and looked straight forward to the triple combination. It was the tricky one. Three individual jumps only a few strides apart, and the last had the most shallow cups on the course, which meant it was the easiest to knock free…

Then Gemma’s front legs were folding again and Sammie felt herself rise from the saddle, over Gemma’s neck, her arms sliding forward to allow the mare to catch her own balance on the landing. Jump, stride. Jump, stride stride. Jump. When the crowd, one voice louder than the rest, cheered instead of booed Sammie let herself breathe. Not that they ever booed, but she’d expect it to come if the sound of poles clattering on the ground did as well.

Her chest tightened when the last fence rose up at her like an unexpected afterthought. Gemma took a tight, extra step before launching herself over. The jump was a bunny-hop. Gemma and Sammie popped over the fence, coming down before they were completely clear. Practice kept Sammie’s face blank, but at home she’d have been cursing at herself for sure.

Inside she was. When she watched the Olympics this was when the crowd would hold their collective breath, or gasp, then clapping or “aw” would come, along with the announcer telling the at home audience the result of the knock. As this was a smaller, local show and not an international one, the audience never really hushed. But an announcer did crackle over the loudspeaker as she let Gemma trot out of the ring announcing “Samantha Carter, no faults”.

Sammie breathed in great lungfuls of air. No faults meant the bar hadn’t come down despite the mess she’d made of the last jump. If this had been a hunter class she’d have been screwed for sure, since looking pretty and performing well was part of getting a clean round. But jumper classes were just about getting over the jumps without knocking anything down in the allotted time. It saved her ass this time, but she snarled at herself mentally, vowing not to let it happen again.

She couldn’t let herself blame Gemma, who nodded her head, playing with the looser rein Sammie gave her now. Instead Sammie replayed the ride in her head, looking for when she’d gone wrong. There, right before the last jump her attention hiccuped and she hadn’t been counting strides like she should have. She couldn’t remember if she’d actually been counting strides, or only remembered counting because she’d done this so much before.

“Great ride,” a male voice called out. From the small circle, filled uncomfortably full with riders warming up, Archer McKinley–on yet another new horse, Sammie noted–gave her a smile and a thumbs up. He had the same look to him as he always did, perfect pale breeches, tailored dark jacket and shined boots in a saddle that gleamed and sitting astride a horse whose braided mane sported not single flyaway hair. Even the speckles on the peppered gray he rode this time looked uniform, like he’d filled in the bare bits with eyeliner or something.

Sammie offered him a polite nod, because any slip at politeness might be translated by the gossipers as a snub. “Thanks,” she said, blaming the shortness of her words on breathlessness after her ride.

Archer, offered a little bow in his saddle before riding up to wait for his turn.

Sammie let Gemma take her forward, away from the mess of riders and onlookers watching the classes. She used to hang back and watch the other competitors, but then she learned that just made her neurotic. It was easier to back completely away and watch the video of her class for analysis later. Dee tried to make the review, taped by an available barn hand for those who were trying to seriously compete, fun by ordering pizza and popping popcorn, half of which always ended up fed to the birds.

But today Sammie had a second reason to ride back to the Deepdale Acres vans in the lot and pull Gemma’s saddle for a quick brush down.

“Oh, fantastic!” Dee, Deepdale’s barn manager said when she came around the van and saw Sammie already brushing at the sweat spots on Gemma’s back. “Tabby has a flat class in twenty-five minutes. We’re really lucky you pulled the fourth slot, now we have a little more wiggle room. I’ll get Gemma some water.”

Dee’s cell phone beeped. After checking it Dee looked up at Sammie and grinned. “You went clean, way to go!”

After Dee rushed off again Sammie smirked and shook her head. Dee and Crista weren’t fooling anyone. Dee always had to miss the action, organizing almost everything behind the scenes. Especially since this was the first big show of the season, meaning every student with an ounce of talent at the barn wanted a chance at a ribbon, making Dee’s coordinating even more important. Dee’s friend Crista’s basic knowledge of horses limited her usefulness behind the scenes, but being Shawn the stable hand’s girlfriend she wanted to be present to support the barn. Crista pounced on the video-taping-and-cheer-section gig, reporting class result back to Dee so Dee could praise or console riders as needed.

“Dee, which one is my saddle again?”

Deepdale tried to teach its students ground manners as much as its horses. The brunette who came from the van was fifteen, dressed in black jeans under her boots, and a navy riding jacket from the school’s stock over a white T-shirt. She looked at Sammie, and the hunter saddle Sammie was hoisting to replace with the other gear. “Are you saddling her for me?”

“No, ma’am,” Sammie answered a bit too short. “This is a saddle for jumping, you can tell because–”

Dee came back, moving at a fast pace that was neither a walk nor a jog.

“Great, Dee, I can’t find my saddle for my class,” Tabby said, cutting Sammie out of her consideration for the time being.

“It has to be in the van with the rest, did you look?”

“Of course I did, but there are so many…”

“Sammie, could you–”

“Sammie!”

Knowing what had been about to come out of Dee’s mouth Sammie was grateful for whoever had cut Dee off by yelling her name. Until she turned toward the voice and spotted Archer trotting up on his big gray gelding. Inwardly she groaned.

“Hey Sammie, the last ride is starting right now, but unless they knock it out of the park it looks like you’re going to place.”

“Awesome!” Dee said. Tabby said nothing, but seemed particularly interested in what Archer– square-shouldered, trimmed out, long-legged, lantern-jawed Archer–was saying.

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride back to the ring.”

He was on the other side of the fence dividing the vehicle area from the pedestrian area. She could just climb the three boards of the fence and slide up on the gray behind him. After all Gemma’s saddle was already off and…But it was Archer McKinley. The same Archer McKinley who’d beat her in the last five shows, on five different mounts. The same Archer who always appeared to have sprung magically from a show tack catalog, where as Sammie never managed to escape horse drool or a snapped stirrup leather or sweat marks on her show clothes.

“Go on, winner,” Dee urged.

Archer put out a hand. With a choked back sigh, Sammie scaled the fence and let Archer and his big nameless—perfectly proportioned—jumper give her a lift back to the ring. Archer even smelled perfect, despite the hot May sun, like vanilla and cinnamon and nutmeg. Here Sammie was about to melt in the heat and Archer smelled like Christmas cookies freshly baking.

At the ring, Sammie thanked him politely, but made sure to slide down before the rode right into the arena. She wasn’t the only rider waiting without a horse to hear the results of the class. In the heat, a number had opted to rush their mounts back into the shade of a van for some water. Or they were like her, and didn’t own the horses they’d ridden and therefore had to pass them off to another barn student for a different class.

The loudspeaker crackled again, and flushed with happiness and heat she heard her name called out. Sammie strode into the ring, up to the judge standing in the center, where she accepted her third place ribbon with all the grace she had in her. But a little piece of her heart turned sharp when she saw Archer-freaking-McKinley ride in on his big gray monster and accept the blue.

 

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August 4

I want to rant…

…and there is so much to rant about. But I also got my sales numbers for July tonight and…I can’t do it. You all are just too awesome. So have a sketch I did of Cristos instead as a humble, very appreciative “Thank You!”

P.S. I’m working on a freebie promo ebook for Wolf Heart that will include a side story, sketches I did of Maeul and Nika and more. Thank you all so much!

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July 16

On mad reviews and bad opinions

I have a thing or two to say about bad reviews. I’ve gotten a few. In fact I recently got one on Wolf Heart. Want to hear it?

This book was horribly edited, if not edited at all. I spent more time picking out mistakes in the story than actually reading it. It was a simple read with little depth, and the author seemed to love killing everybody off. A lot of the plot made absolutely no sense at all. I DEFINITELY do not recommend this book. This is also coming from someone who loves werewolf romance novels and reads them frequently. It is hard for me to say that i dislike a book, but i hated this one. This was a waste of money.

But I haven’t down voted it on Amazon. Or encouraged others to. Or went off about bully reviewers, or any such thing (and you all know how ranty I can get!)

Because it doesn’t matter. First, I, and other people, believe it’s wrong. Just as the author believes it’s right. But past that it doesn’t matter. As in, it has not affected sales at all. And it won’t. Because people who think it looks interesting will download a sample and choose on their own whether they want to buy it or not.

Any talk at all, bad or good, spreads awareness of a book. People buy books because it sounds interesting to them. Bad reviews sell books. Good reviews turn people off from books. The only thing that kills them is no talk at all.

But I’m not even sure that’s true.

I pointed out in my last post on self publishing that the book I self pubbed that has no reviews has outsold the one with all positive reviews. By a lot.

So someone didn’t like it. Someone thinks it was poorly edited and a waste of money. Maybe it was to them. A book is certainly not the worst thing I’ve ever wasted money on.

Publishing is something like traffic, in that all people see of you is this shell you’re travelling around in. Some people will be pissed just because you drive a Ford and they were laid off from the Ford plant two years ago. Some people will be pissed off at you because they’re in a hurry and you’re one more person in their way. Someone else will be getting a giggle they wouldn’t have from reading your bumper stickers or watching you head bop to 80s pop songs.

These are brief, potentially negative, potentially positive, mostly completely irrelevant encounters. Like reviews.

So what I’m saying is, don’t let these tiny, momentary moments define you or your career. Oh, you can get angry, but that’s what friends and family are there to do, to support you, console you, and sure, get snarky about bad reviews with you. But that is NOT what the reading public is there to do.

So write your best and let your work speak for you. Choose to take strength from your writing.

 

July 14

The Gap

Anyone in the artsy business can tell you there’s this gap between wanting to be an artist and actually doing it. Toss out people who only do their art as a hobby, because that’s almost entirely about the enjoyment.

I’m talking about people who list themselves as self-employed artists. Those who grump about being unable to make a living as an indie artist, or turn down day jobs because they want to be [insert artist type here]. Of course I have no right to make choices for someone else’s life. But my own frustration comes from knowing how hard I’ve worked and how long its taken for me to get where I am. How I’ve jumped on every opportunity. Then I learned which ones where worth the effort (by my own standards). I’m constantly trying to keep learning, reading, listening, talking with people and reassessing my career, my actions and my goals. (Not to mention my writing.)

I’m having a little bit of a hard time dealing with people who get stuck on the dreamer side of that gap. Maybe because I’m afraid I’m that person. My writing has slowed down a lot in the last year. First it was depression, then some serious re-evaluating. Now, though, it’s something different.

I enjoy writing still, but I’ve really enjoyed making things more. I’ve been sewing a lot, making dog bows for work, drawing. If it wasn’t for the heat I know I’d be out in my garden more, reshaping the land around me as much as everything else. I’m really looking forward to canning too.

I get that to finish a book I need to sit down and write it. I’m not making any excuses (though I *am* tired from the day job, researching, training a new dog, keeping the kids amused for the summer and enjoying the busiest social life I think I’ve ever had.) But none of those are why I’m not writing. I’m not writing because I’m having more fun doing other things.

And that’s okay. Breaks are okay. Hobbies instead of artist careers are okay. They can prevent burn out. They can keep you sane in troubled times.

There’s a difference between a vacation, or a different level of interest, and no real desire to put yourself out there. I think maybe more people need to be willing to admit they don’t actually want to make a career out of arting. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a good artist, or a serious one. It means you don’t desire to make a living off your work, or to make art work. Or maybe you don’t really want to subject your work to the kind of criticism one finds in the market.

Let’s face it, more people should admit that, rather than having extreme meltdowns when that first not-glowing review comes along.

The first step is walking across that gap. Turning want to into butt in the chair doing. I think there comes point where you have to admit you don’t really want to be an artist enough to work for it. Or that you need a break to breathe.

And by the way, those of you out there that I know who have been struggling with non-art phases in your lives, STOP IT. You would not be the artist you are now without that break. No guilt. Just be truthful to yourself.

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July 5

I have a confession to make…

I’ve read a lot of blog/internet articles lately about the use of certain tropes in storytelling. Not genre tropes, but things like rape to make a story edge, to put a strong female character in danger. Or the use of the Male Gaze and other elements.

The truth is that being a storyteller is about manipulating your audience. While manipulating “gaze” to lead the audience to make judgements about the main character or the story being told can be a very powerful tool it can also be a stake in the heart of your story. Take George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones. I hear many wonderful things about it. I hear some criticism too, mainly about how Martin handles female characters.

I watched the first episode with a friend and found it to be enjoyable, but I was annoyed at how the women were only there to be manipulated, sold, to trigger certain feelings. Sure the men aren’t pillars of happy-squishy feelings, and sure it was one measly episode. But it was enough to make me  put off watching the next episode.

So here’s my confession, I once did the same thing. I packed on a laundry list of bad stuff into a book to prove I was a tough-as-nails horror author who could hang with the brutal big boys. I wasn’t afraid of killing off my characters. The book was called Moon Madness. It was about a reluctant werewolf who joined a pack, fell in love and watched her world fall apart.

A few years ago I reread it. Parts of it I still liked. But I realized I wasn’t letting the characters tell their story, I was shoe-horning my own bad-ass into it. There was entirely too much author intrusion in the form of violent rape, brutal on screen murders and a whole character that was just designed to be gang raped. Almost forgot to mention she was underage and kept in a dog kennel…

Between the first version and the reread I’d come to realize that it wasn’t about putting the character through something extreme enough to make the readers feel for them. Instead it was about making the characters real enough that readers felt even the little things like break ups and family betrayals.

So the second version of Moon Madness was born, with 100% fewer rapes and 60% fewer tortures and rapes. I retitled it Wolf Heart, and sold it to Violet Ivy Press.

The thing is, I didn’t need to make my lead the victim of rape. I didn’t need to make her witness to brutal slaughters of kids. What I needed was to make her normal worries real. To make her a sympathetic, powerful character. Vulnerable yes, but because she’s imperfect, not because she’s a woman and can be beat and raped. And that girl in the basement…why the hell did I need her at all?

While keeping a child in a dog cage for rape parties does make one a bad guy, so do other things, like just being a selfish asshole. The first actually eeks readers out of the story with overkill. Are you listening, authors? Piling on a bunch of torture on your characters just for the sake of extremes only succeeds in making readers tune out. All the good authors I’ve talked to say that every scene must add something to the story, they must maintain a momentum. This is especially true of violence. (And sex scenes.)

There’s a handful of books that go too far. The author, maybe because of insecurity, tries so hard to make you sympathize with a character by making you watch them endure such hardships. Maybe they go overboard trying to explain a character’s tragic past. The trauma, the violence, starts to have no point other than increasing in intensity trying to convince you this is the most broken, most screwed up character ever.

That doesn’t make an audience sympathize or even root for the character.

On to antiheros. I hear Lolita being mentioned a hell of a lot, but when I think Antihero I think of Alex from A Clockwork Orange. The man has no redeeming qualities. You want to see him fall. But then he does, and the story switches as he becomes a victim. The point is play on the audience’s own emotion, making them feel bad for rooting for him to get his comeuppance. THAT is making an audience uncomfortable.

If you want to make your lead a terribly flawed person (an alcoholic, an addict, a racist) they still have to have a redeeming feature (you know, like saving the world. See Stacia Kane’s Downside series for an example.) If you want to make them an antihero, someone who should be a villain, but still have the audience connect with them you can do so, very effectively by making the audience question themselves, or give into their own darker streaks.

Think Magneto, who knows the darkness of humans far more than even the other mutants and has tried to be the bigger man and suffered for it.

Think Lestat, who is a killer, a rule-breaker, a Brat Prince, yet chooses to love and protect (at least eventually.)

Think The Punisher who blurs the lines constantly, but there’s no doubt he takes out really bad people.

There has to be something else there, some redemption, some charm, some inner revenge fantasy. If you want your character to survive terrible things that tear them apart, then make the things that happen to them tear them apart, don’t pile on the bad shit until it’s enough. If you want people to experience the point of view of a bad guy struggling to do the right thing then show that they CAN do the right thing, rather than writing the whole world around them into accepting them and expecting the audience too as well.

Know where you’re sending people with your gaze, and know what you’re inflicting on your characters with things that are easy to downplay into just buzz words like rape and molestation. Know what you mean, then study your work and decide if that’s really where you’re putting your audience.

THAT is what we mean by kill your darlings. Don’t get so distracted by your own writing that you can’t make it more effective.

 

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