So I’m having a bit of a dilemma and I need to get it out. First a confession: We bought Astrid. From a guy who had a sign in his yard. We didn’t ask to see the parents. We knew she’d had no real socialization and no vet care.

Let me explain. We’d been toying with somehow acquiring another dog for years, since we had some people staying with us with their dogs. When they left Dizzy got depressed. The kids are gone most of the day now, and I have a day job and Jason sleeps during the day (or is supposed to) so we know he gets lonely. He has no one to take care of during the day. But we weren’t sure it was fair. Would it feel like we were replacing him before he was even feeling old? So we held off.

Then when I started working at the kennel we debated adopting from one of the many of rescues that came in. When the job turned permanent we started kind of looking. As in “we’re not in a hurry, but hey, if there’s a dog out there for us, we’re open to finding it”. So for three months I played with dogs and scopped out rescue web sites and put out feelers. And I didn’t run into a single dog that “felt” like mine.

Until that guy brought Astrid out to see us. She wrapped her front paws around my arm, rested her head against me and sighed. It was storming, pretty dramatically, but I told her it was okay, so she was okay. And I fell for her completely, even if I knew she was going to pee in my house and chew on my shoes and I didn’t really know she was a Dane/Rott mix and her parents weren’t on site and yeah by buying her I was encouraging some dude to make a quick buck by breeding his bitch indiscriminately.

But my encounters with rescues were mixed too. Yeah, Astrid cost, but she was less than a lot of rescues charged. (One quoted me $300 for a 5 year old dog because it was a purebred and they knew they could get it. Most were in the $150+ range, some with application fees and a lengthy approval process that also gives them the right to come into your home at anytime to check things out. I get this is a safety precaution, and it’s sad that it’s needed, but I can’t agree to a situation where at any time someone can come into my home to pass judgement on me and remove a pet I’ve already invested time, love, training and money in.) And years ago I adopted a dog from the Humane Society. He was neutered and had his first round of shots, but also had several health problems from being kept at a shelter. The biggest was a complete inability to bond with a family. He never was “mine” therefore he never had reason to listen, or obey, or even stick around in the yard once he found a way out. (He literally chewed his way through the neighbor’s privacy fence.)

So no, I didn’t want to give a backyard breeder money, but I’d tried to do things the right way and here was my dog where I hadn’t wanted to find her. Yeah, so I’ve been a little mixed about this. But she’s healthy, she’s a good girl (when she’s not being a brat), and a few worms is all she ended up having, which the vet says about 90% of dogs have at some point. And I know she’s already attached to the family. She already knows to potty outside and we’re working on her telling s when she has to go. She knows sit too, and come here and we’re doing real well on leash training. Yeah, in week.

(Plus I can get into a lot more personal details about her than about my kids here on my blog, which is nice.)

Yesterday she had her first vet appointment. We were sure she was about as Rott as I am. We figured Dane/Lab. The vet says just lab. So since then I’ve been wondering, why am I so irritated at the breeder when I knew this was a likelihood? If I wasn’t hooked on a specific breed and I fell for personality alone and it doesn’t really matter, why am I so angry and feel like I was ripped off?

(And to be clear, I’m not convinced she’s not still a Dane/Lab because she’s grown a lot in the last week and it’s all been length and leg.)

It shouldn’t matter right, because there is no way I’d take her back even if we found out she was a poodle/yorkie. (Um, actually, I think yorkies are adorable. Plus at 9 pounds she’s already bigger than many yorkies.) So why am I so grumbly about it?

I dug up some pictures online. Here’s a Lab puppy at her age:

Here’s a Dane puppy:

Here’s a lab/Dane cross:

And here are a few shots of her (um, playing with her favorite toy–my work pants):

I know it doesn’t matter, and it’s hard to tell because she’s still a young puppy. But what do you think she looks like?

M&M is definitely composed for die-hard horror fans. If brutality, monster and revenge are your thing, pick a copy up.

Feb 22- Last night’s #storyeachnight was Discarded Refuse from Magic & Misery by Lincoln Crisler.It’s a decent story about jealousy but I can.t help think it could have been more than traditional horror fare #storyeachnight

Feb 23- Last night’s #storyeachnight was Making the Grade from Magic & Misery by Lincoln Crisler.It’s short & perdictable, but touches on a interesting idea. There’s just little time for tension.

Feb 24- Today’s #storyeachnight is Old Stooping Lugh (from the same author & collection). An irish mob revenge story it’s a decent horror tale but lacks any real sympathetic characters.

Feb 25- Today’s #storyeachnight is Seizing Deliverance by Lincoln Crisler from Magic & Misery.Another too short piece with a twist ending and not enough time for character building.

Feb 28- Tonight’s #storyeachnight is The Gambler from Lincoln Crisler’s Magic & Misery, it’s a surprising sweet story in the middle of horror tales.

Feb 29- Last night’s #storyeachnight was Redemption from Lincoln Crisler’s Magic & Misery.To be honest this story pissed me off. I understand that’s the point of it, but I’m not sure I got past it enough to enjoy the ending.

March 1-Today’s #storyeachnight is Seymour’s Descent by Lincoln Crisler from Magic & Misery. Seymour’s Descent just confirms that I’d love to see Crisler get really indulgent with his stories instead of cutting them short. It’s a dark SF tale that’s a good appetizer, but could have been a meaty meal.

March 2- Friday’s #storyeachnight was Pete Does What Needs to be Done from Magic and Misery by Lincoln Crisler. It’s an odd, brutal little piece. Again, there’s pretty much no time for character building which makes Pete’s actions puzzling.

March 3- Tonight’s #storyeachnight is Devotion, also from Magic and Misery by Lincoln Crisler. It’s a manipulative little tale similar to the straight horror shorts at the beginning of the collection and to the older Hot Blood anthos.

March 4- Tonight’s #storyeachnight is The Seven O’ Clock Man from Magick and Misery by Lincoln Crisler. A fuzzy kid’s monster story gone very wrong it’s the darkest story to far, ending the collection with a bang.

Two ereaders full of books and I’m reading the paperback?

Actually, it means both were tied up while I transferred my books from one to the other, but I thought the moment was rather amusing.

In other news I’m working real hard to find balance in this day job-writing-reviewing-home life tsunami. I’m something of a completeist though, so I have a tendency to throw myself totally into one thing then realize I haven’t done anything else for days. So pretty much my house looks good, or I have a good word count, or I read a dozen books a month, or spend the day kicking bureaucratic butt for Mister but I have a hard time doing it all. I tried dividing it up into days (MonsterLibrarian Mondays, Cleaning Wednesdays, Working Weekends) but then all this drama with Mister’s school happened and that collapsed.

This is something of an understatement, but it’s really hard balancing what you want to do with all of life’s little dramas. If there’s anything I have accomplished it’s forgiving myself some for last year’s depression. Life can be very, very overwhelming. Also a major understatement.