Busy Wednesday

So last night (as you know if you follow me on Twitter) about nine thirty something just went wrong and I went from hoarse, but feeling okay to feeling absolutely horrible. I got the kids to bed and laid down to read a book and I just passed out. I woke up when Jason came home (with the book under me) still feeling horrible. It felt like my digestive system was going through a crash course on line dancing.

So we went to bed as soon as we could and luckily when I woke up I felt a lot better. However I had these dreams…

I’m only going to share one, because the others were what I call “plot dreams” which means they have a plot or a scene or a character I want to use in a story. Do I use my dreams in my stories? Abso-freakin’-lutely. Most of my dreams are pretty nonlinear, and often only make sense to me, but they often have elements that I file away for later. Like Bloodwalker, the first Ravenna Hall short that I wrote. The final scene? I had that dream. Now those of you who have read it know why I don’t ever say things like, “I want my dreams to come true.” No one wants my dreams to come true.

Anyway, this dream: I walked from my house (in the city) to a barn (in the country) down the road. I was very happy to see that Jennifer Pelland and Mary Robinette Kowal were practicing in an area outside. I was excited to see them there and hoped that I had a chance to talk to them before they left. Maybe we could even go for a trail ride together.

Inside I walk from stall to stall. None of the horses are my horse. In the dreams I don’t own a horse, I just have permission from the barn owner to ride. I’m terribly excited, especially when Alethea Kontis strides up in her riding gear about to do a little riding herself. The barn is a bit busy with other riders and owners coming and going, and since Alethea appears to be experienced at this barn an I am not I ask her advice on which horse I should ride.

She answers, “None of them. Are you sure you want to. All the horses here are pretty mean.”

I’m a bit surprised. I ask why she says that. And she answers, saying that they are all hard to ride. Easy and beautiful to watch, but hard to ride, and that if I want a nice relaxing trail ride I should look for another barn. She also says that if I do want to ride a horse from this barn I have to chose it myself and make the best choice that I can.

Then she leaves, I assume because she is off to gather her own horse since she is dressed for riding. So I go back to walking around the barn looking at horses.

At this point the dreams breaks apart and fades and at some point I wake up.

And the peculiarity of the dream hits me. Here’s a bit of background, I used to work at a barn. I spent three summers working at various barns here in the area, plus two winters. I was thirteen when I worked the first time and 15/16 the second time. The second time was much, much better as there were fewer people, particularly fewer kids my age playing favoritism games.

I adore horses. I love riding. I mourn that I haven’t been on a horse since I was 17. I badly want to own a horse some day, but I always ended up feeling so different from the barn environment that eventually I drift away. I got tired of taking care of other people’s horses and being subjected to other people’s moods on whether or not I got to ride. It was a very harsh lesson in life when I realized that as badly as I want a horse, it just wasn’t possible.

So I dream about horses a lot, and I often dream that I’m about to ride, or going to ride and for some reason I can’t. Sometimes there’s a person being mean to me, sometimes the dream ends too soon, sometimes I just cannot ride because the horse turns into something that is not a horse (like a broom). I came to the assumption long ago that in dream logic horses represent my aspirations (that whole want to own one, but can’t). So that I often dream that I can’t ride, but I’m in the barn, means that I’m in the area, but not yet achieving any of my aspirations.

Which throws this whole dream into a very odd place, most of Alethea’s guidance that all the horses are mean and hard to ride.

A very revealing and odd dream seeing as I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen other writers at my dream barn.

And since we’re talking personal stuff here, my son’s IEP meeting was today and, thank goodness, it went really well. A tip to anyone out there dealing with special education, it really, really helps to think about what you want from a meeting and go in ready, even with a written plan.

I’ve been writing up an essay/letter before every meeting addressing the tasks at hand and making it very clear what we want. I’ve found that going in like this has quickly ended any attempts at people trying to confuse us with terms and double talk, or excuses. Today, for example we got very little fighting and lots of “Oh, yes, that’s how we feel too.” (Now as I’ve said before the school staff isn’t a problem, but I have gotten lots of arguing from placement and rotating staff, such as people who manage various aspects of the ECE program for multiple schools.)

You have to take a hands on approach because it is in a person’s best interest to do what is best and easiest for them. You have got to advocate for your own child to help them be a success.

My son has been switched to a new class and is doing very, very well. Now he’s not being pushed very hard right now, but this step is vital to help him with the transition and to help him realize that the teacher is there to support him, not to work against him. Boy vs Teachers has been a huge problem and I’m very glad to see that both sides are listening to us.

After the meeting we went out to eat (Denny’s Grand Slamwich is quite yummy. So are the Pancake Puppies.) Then to BME (a used book, video game, movie and game store) where I procured:
-One Foot in the Grave by Jeaniene Frost (I’m skeptical about this one, because “half-vampire” sounds like the beginning of a bad internet RPG. But I hear great things.)
-Animals by John Skipp and Craig Spector (I also hear great things, plus I was jazzed to find A)a copy and B) in great shape.)
-The Dollhouse Murders by Betty Ren Wright (I read this as a teen and again, am glad to find a copy. It’s a creepy YA book about a girl who starts playing with a dollhouse in her aunt’s attic only the dolls start moving by themselves…to the positions the people who the dolls are modeled after were in the night someone killed Grandma and Grandpa. Very creepy set up.)
-The Tachyon Web by Christopher Pike (I still love my Pike books. A lot of them were lost in a move and they are hard to find now. BME almost always has one or two.)
-Moon Called by Patricia Briggs (Again, I hear good things. Plus, werewolves.)
-Spin by Robert Charles Wilson (Again, I hear good things.)
-The Secrets of Judas by James M. Robinson (Jason’s pick)
-The Werewolf Book by Brad Steiger (Research!)

Now I just need time to read them all.